But I Don’t Want To See Unattractive People!

Posted: July 7, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Ok, my last post mentioned this briefly, but I thought it deserved a longer rant after seeing some comments today.

I mentioned in my last post Jenny Trout’s awesome piece “I wore a bikini and nothing happened” as well as her blog post after the fact where she mentions one response from a man saying simply, “no thanks”.  She mentions in there the phenomena of straight men who seem to think that women’s value is dependent on whether or not they deem us fuckable, and the problem of straight men thinking that women automatically give a shit, or should give a shit, if they deem us attractive. And yeah, I’m calling it a problem. It is. This cultural attitude that women’s worth is dictated by whether men want to fuck us is a problem. Because, news flash, we are human beings with self worth beyond being object for you to fuck. What I contribute as a human being and the value I have does not start, or end, with having sex with men.

I’m posting this now because further discussion of her article has lead me to more comments of this nature. Straight men whose responses are that they do not find her attractive, that they do not find fat women attractive, that they do not want to see that, and even the declaration that nobody wants to see that- because such men think their preference is universal. So if they don’t want to see that, nobody wants to see that. Remember how I was talking about differences between straight men and queer women? This is for sure one of them! Because I don’t have the arrogance of male privilege to think that my preferences are universal. I would never think “I don’t like seeing scantily clad men, thus nobody wants to see that!” I am well aware some people want to see that. I know that within my gender, my preferences in attraction are actually a minority. Though women’s attractions are never given priority in society the way men’s are anyways.

And then there are the accusations that we are saying they aren’t allowed to have a different opinion than us (from the folks claiming their attractions as universal- highly ironic). Look dudes- you are allowed to have any opinion you want. Where you seem to be confused is that while you are entitled to your opinion, you are not entitled to not be told to shut the fuck up and go away when you state it. You are entitled to your opinion but we are under no obligation to want to hear it. And when you feel the arrogant need to give us your unsolicited opinion as if we give a shit, we are entitled to tell you to shut up and fuck off. There is a difference between being allowed an opinion and being entitled to spouting an opinion without any risk of responses to it you don’t like.

And while you are entitled to your opinion, and entitled to not find some people attractive, you do not have any inherent right to never be subjected to seeing people you don’t find attractive. Your opinions do not get to dictate our lives. Just like all the folks who do not find you attractive (and trust me, they exist, because there is no person in this world who every else unanimously finds sexually attractive) do not get to tell you to cover up and hide any part of your body we do not find sexually arousing.

And there is some massive male privilege here in thinking that your opinion counts for anything here. In thinking that we care to hear it. Straight men who think fat women are gross- there is actually a very good chance that feeling is mutual and she doesn’t find you attractive or fuckable either. So what makes you think a woman who has no interest in fucking you cares if you find her attractive? I know that I have no interest in fucking any of you guys, yet for some reason a number of straight men still seem to think I care that they don’t find me attractive. Why? Why would you think I care?

And while we are on this topic I would also like to say that while you are allowed to have any preferences you want in terms of what you find attractive, because no one is obligated to find any other person sexually attractive, preferences like everything else do not exist in a vacuum and are not beyond critique either.

  1. I saw that article as well, and I thought she made an excellent point of it being all about control – as you have as well. And the big problem with that straight white male privilege is that they don’t even realize it sometimes. I feel like it’s a chicken/egg sort of situation – we’re socialized to conform to a certain beauty standard that caters specifically to white straight men, and which white straight men perpetuate, yet they’re indoctrinated in this just as much as everyone else. It’s just a giant cultural cycle of ick.

    The best comeback I have to people making comments like “I don’t want to see that” is “Well, I don’t think she was thinking about what you wanted when she got dressed this morning, nor do I think she cares about your opinion.”

    • ebay313 says:

      Yup, definitely agreed! That’s the thing about privilege is when you are in it, it just seems totally standard.

      And I like your comeback!

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