Be Naked!

Posted: July 30, 2014 in Body Image
Tags: , , , ,

Ok, so this post is going to talk frankly about nudity and sex so if that makes you uncomfortable, stop reading. *cough*family I shared this blog with *cough* So you’ve been warned.


Now, this post was inspired by reading something elsewhere about fat people’s sex lives and the question some pose of if fat hurts sex lives. Of course one of the biggest ways they seemed to be saying that being fat ruins people… well, mainly women’s sex lives is through not feel comfortable and confident. Making folks either not want to have sex because of it, or having sex but still being plagued by self-conscious feelings that detract from the ability to fully enjoy it.

And it makes me sad how many women’s sex lives suffer because they can’t imagine themselves as being attractive. I’ve met women who insist on lights out, shirts staying on, trying to cover as much of their body as possible during sex and constantly afraid their partner isn’t really attracted to them or won’t be because of their size.


And I’ve fallen into that before too, found myself ruining the mood mentally for myself when suddenly all I could think during the act was “are they going to be turned off by my fat? omg is my stomach jiggling in this position?” and similar thoughts.

And it seems that maybe I just got lucky in a way because for the longest time I never saw hiding during sex was an option. I guess because my first partners were folks who liked lights on, it never occurred to me that turning the lights out to make it harder for them to see me was an option. Actually until a recent ex who would always turn the lights off, I kind of thought that was just a joke- a myth. I didn’t realize there were people who really did only have sex with the lights off. After that experience I started talking to people about this and found that it was actually incredibly common! Of course every person I talked to who only felt comfortable having sex with the light s off was a woman.

It also had never occurred to me to stay partially clothed during sex to hide my fat. Even when I’ve been less than confident in my body, I’ve always approached sex with a feeling that if you want to have sex, you just gotta suck it up and get over it because you are going to be naked, they are going to see you naked. They are going to see you naked up close! That’s just what sex is. It was kind of a culture shock almost when I discovered that it was so common for women to do all these things to try to stay hidden during sex.

And it makes me really sad that people feel that unhappy and uncomfortable with their bodies. Especially women in long term, loving relationships, who still find it too hard to believe that their partner really does love their body just as it is because we are so surrounded by and beat over the head with this message that there is only one body type that is attractive and people are never really attracted to anything else.

And to me, how could this not hurt one’s sex life? How could feeling ashamed of your body, afraid to be seen, and questioning your attractiveness to your partner not affect sex negatively? Like I said, while I was never a shirt on, light off girl, I’ve had those negative thoughts during sex and yeah- it ruins it a little. The problem there is not obesity, the problem is being told we are not attractive, that no one would find out bodies sexually appealing, and being told these things so many time,s from so many media sources and individuals, that we internalize it and believe it ourselves. Like many things blamed on obesity, the real culprit actually seems to fat hatred. If this is a bigger problem for fat women, it’s a bigger problem because fat women are taught to hate their bodies and view them as unattractive. Of course like most body image issues, thin women aren’t totally unaffected either. And certainly one area where weight loss is clearly not a solution- one woman used as an example of obesity ruining her sex life, lost the weight and still experience the same problems because she still didn’t see herself as beautiful. And yet, somehow people still think the solution is blaming obesity, and making fat women feel even worse about their bodies?


There is a spoken word poet I saw on youtube who has a really great piece related to this:

My favorite parts:

Fat girl don’t hate her body, fat girl hate the world


Fat girl dance anyway.

Fat girl shirt off.

Fat girl lights on.

Fat girl LIGHTS ON!

Sounds like a great motto to live by to me! 🙂

I wish all women had the confidence in their bodies to be naked. Be naked alone, be naked during sex, and maybe be naked in other scenarios too if you want. I wish we all were comfortable in our own skin, realized not to hate ourselves but hate the messages that say we aren’t good enough. Dance anyways, take your shirt off, leave the lights on. Do it regardless of your size, regardless of stretch marks or scars. Be naked as you are and be confident and happy and have awesome naked sex!

  1. obesetwentysomething says:

    I typically don’t turn the lights off. But I know my husband occassionally looks at pictures of thin naked women online and that makes me feel bad. If they were videos it would be better. The fact that it’s photos means it’s all about the way they look (and the way I don’t look). Thanks for the post, it’s a touchy subject but I really enjoyed reading your views.

    • ebay313 says:

      Have you ever talked to him about that? Not that my chronically single ass is one to be giving relationship advice or anything, lol.
      No spouse, but I did have a…. I don’t really even know what he was honestly. A friend. With benefits. But with emotional stuff. It was weird.
      But anyways, he would tell me how much he liked how I looked- even specific stuff like how my thighs were the perfect size and he didn’t understand why women would want a thigh gap because it’s unattractive- but then I swear all the women he would be drooling over online were super thin models who looked nothing like me. So it was kind of a disconnect…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s