Feeling Like a Fraud

Posted: July 31, 2014 in Body Image
Tags: , , ,

So I feel a bit like a fraud sometimes, when I’m on here, blogging about fat acceptance and positive body image- but it’s not like I have all of that figure out and am always loving my body! My actions, and especially my thoughts, are often not in sync with my ideals of fat acceptance and body love and all that. I still equate looking fat with looking bad to myself sometimes. I try not to, but I still look in a mirror or look at a picture and think “I look so fat!” and I don’t mean that as a good or neutral thing. And I’m not very good all the time at being ok with my body.

I was thinking about this when I was out for a run. It’s been a bit cooler out recently so I wore a tank top with a light weight but long sleeve hoodie over it (hoodie mainly because it has pockets and until I get a new spibelt or something similar, the hoodie gives me pockets to put my keys in. ). When I have short sleeves on I will take the hoodie off when I get hot and tie it around my waist. But I don’t like wearing sleeveless stuff. I realized as I was thinking about this, my stomach isn’t the part of my body I have the biggest trouble baring- it’s my arms. I’d actually rather have a belly shirt on, with my arms covered, than a sleeveless shirt.

So here I am, out walking/running, feeling hot and uncomfortable in long sleeves, thinking how nice it would feel to take the hoodie off and feel a breeze on my arms, but still thinking how I don’t want to be seen with my flabby upper arms hanging out of a shirt. I have a bit of muscle on my arms, but also a bit of fat. I have visible biceps if I flex, but you won’t (thus far at least) find any photos of me flexing my arms online, because below those biceps is arm flab. And I still have trouble being comfortable with that.

And I feel like a fraud. I’m on here blogging about accepting your body, when I can’t even deal with wearing a sleeveless shirt.

I did eventually talk myself into taking the hoodie off about a little over a quarter of the way into my walk/run. So success on that?

But, I think it is worth noting I blog about body love and such from a place of still working on these issue myself, not as some expert who has it all totally figured out and doesn’t still struggle with it myself.

  1. lozette says:

    Same here! In fact I think most body-posi people struggle with it.

  2. G says:

    The fact that you recognize and interrogate it is really important! No one is “perfectly” body positive; we all marinate in and fight against this culture that hates our bodies, and it gets to us even when (especially when) we don’t want it to. It’s a journey…

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