Good Days

Posted: March 15, 2015 in Disability
Tags: , , ,

Funny how I never set out for this blog to be about my chronic illnesses but then I found myself more and more writing about the experience of living with chronic illness, from my perspective. This is something I wish people understood better.

In the vein, let me add something here that I mentioned briefly on some other social media already.

I’m having a really good day today in terms of my illnesses. I’m feeling pretty good, I woke up after only about 5 hrs of sleep feeling refreshed and fairly energized- the way I used to feel after a night of sleep. Contrasted to my current usual of waking up after a LOT of sleep (so much so I hate to give a number because it makes me feel terrible to honestly quantify that) and being exhausted and dragging myself out of bed thinking only of getting to go back to sleep after I get some minimum work done, my whole body sore and everything seeming to take far more energy than it should.

Every now and then though, I get a day like today when I just feel normal. My energy feels normal (not energizer bunny or bouncing off the walls, just normal) ,and I’m not in massive amounts of pain or incredibly nauseous.

It’s been a good day. I’ve been fairly productive. Which is pretty much what a lazy sunday looks like to most folks.

And as good as it feels, it also feels terrible in a way because I know from experience that it would be naive to hope or expect for this to last.

It feels like I’m given these reprieves to remember what normal feels like just so I can understand how awful being ill is. Being sick and exhausted all the time, it does become normal, and there are times I forget I’m not supposed to feel that way. So here, I get a nice reminder of exactly what I am missing all the time. And that’s frustrating.

So just sharing this for the simple reason of trying to give some insight not just to what typical or bad days are like for me but also what it feels like for me to have a good day with my chronic illness. Because to me, even the good days, or maybe especially the good days, highlight the frustration of living with chronic illness. And I want to try to help people better understand this.

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