Archive for June, 2015

So I just discovered reading another blog that June is apparently is Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, and June 29th is apparently specifically set aside for raising awareness of Chronic Migraines. I’m several hours late but still as a chronic migraine sufferer I felt like I should post something myself. Chronic Migraines are defined as having migraines 15 or more days per month. Without medications my migraines are well over 15 days per month, even on preventative I still typically am at about 12-15 days per month.

Headache is also only one of many symptoms of migraines. Others common symptoms include nausea/vomiting, dizziness/vertigo, and fatigue. These symptoms can also change over time as I’ve learned. I’ve had chronic migraines since I was 10, and it was only within the last several years though that I frequently experienced nausea and vomiting with my migraines.

The above infographic that I found points out that depression and anxiety are 2 conditions that people are at an increased risk for with Migraines. Meniere’s Disease is another, which I’ve been diagnosed with as well. As I’ve been told by doctors, they don’t know what the connection between the two is, but there appears to be one as the majority of meniere’s patients have migraines (the alternate is not true though, as most migraine sufferers do not have meniere’s).

As for triggers, besides weather and stress (as noted in the infographic) other common triggers include bright lights, diet (not limited to caffeine), not getting enough sleep, hormonal changes, and exercise. Some of these are fairly well known for being bad when one has a migraine, but many people don’t realize that not only do things like bright lights (florescents especially) and exercise often make migraines worse when you have them, but also can trigger migraines.

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Slow Runners Unite!

Posted: June 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

I joined a facebook group for people in my city. It sometimes has useful information, but most of the time just has people getting really angry and fighting with each other over the silliest things. I saw a post as I was scrolling through my facebook feed where someone mentions a girl running around the area that I run usually, and then says, not really running, but just putting on a little bit of speed for a short period, then walking a bit. For a second I was like “oh my gosh, is someone posting about me in this group? And feeling the need to point out how slow I run?” I read on and realized the person was talking about themselves and pointing out that they are usually to focused on trying to keep breathing while running to talk to people even though they want to be friendly. Several folks added comments to the post about their own running and “running”- with a lot of other folks making comments about how their running is very slow still and probably doesn’t even count as running.

It was just nice to me to see so many folks talking about running even if they were slow and not running the whole time. I know there have been times where I feel silly doing this. Like I shouldn’t even be out there doing my thing unless my thing is running fast for several miles at a time. And I know I’m not alone in feeling like that. And obviously there is no way to get from not being able to run fast for several miles at a time to being able to run fast for several miles at time without starting from what you can do. Yet despite that it’s clearly pretty common for folks to feel embarrassed to get out and do what they can until they are able to do more.

Which is why I’m writing this and why that post stuck out to me so much. Seeing other folks who are doing similar things, struggling with running workouts that others might see as easy or even go so far as to say they “don’t count”, is a nice reminder that you aren’t alone in it and reassurance that it’s ok if your “running” isn’t fast or for very far.

So this is my shout out to all the other folks out there who run slow and/or don’t run very far. Don’t let that stop you from doing your thing 🙂

Post-Run Selfie

It feels weird naming these the way the app does by “week #” when each “week” is not getting done in a weeks time for me. Actually looking back it’s been over a week since my last run :-\

Definitely wishing I had a treadmill to run inside. I refuse to run during the daytime (which feels a bit silly at times, but I just do not want to run outside during daylight hours), which limits things, and we have been having storms here recently so that limits outdoor running. I actually was all ready to go for a run last night and right before I headed out a massive storm started- thankful I hadn’t already been out :-\ We got crazy amounts of lightning and ended up with a tornado warning too. I should probably check weather before I leave from now on.

But no storms tonight, so I finally got out for another run! And feeling pretty good about it!

Not that I felt good about it during the run, most of the time I was thinking “I hate running. This is boring. Why am I doing this? When do I get to stop? Why am I doing this?” I didn’t feel good about it until 4 minutes through the last freeform run when I realized I wasn’t going to have to walk through any part of my freeform runs! Whoo!

I remembered to stretch before my run this time, so before I headed out I did 10 minutes of yoga stretching. I think it helped because my calves did not hurt near as much this time!

However, I forgot to make a running playlist. Though I had better luck with my music this time. But most of my music just doesn’t really interest me when I’m running. I want something that takes my mind off the thoughts of “This is boring. My feet hurt. When do I get to stop?” I wondered during the run if listening to an audiobook would be more interesting, but of course I can’t do that so long as I’m using the zombies 5k app.

Turns out though that I do like spice girls while running, lol. Though the lyrics to “Stop” are a bit interesting when you are supposedly running from a zombie (apparently ethical treatment of research participants doesn’t exist after the zombie apocalypse as Dr. Myers and Runner 10 use me/Runner 5 as basically zombie bait, but it’s ok, because it’s for science!)

Stop right Now
Thank you very much,
I need somebody with the human touch,
Hey you always on the run,
Gotta slow down baby, got have some fun.

Though eating people is probably about as close to having fun as zombies get.

Anyways, so started out with the 5 minute free form run, and I ran it all. And by run, as usual I mean a super slow jog.

Remembering from last time that there was no break between the 5 minute free form run and the first 1 minute run interval, when Dr. Myers says that the free form run is over and now we are doing intervals, I just kept running. Then she comes on and I’m slowing to a walk when I hear her voice and she announces that now it’s time for the first 1 minute interval run (apparently this time there is a walk break between the free form run and first interval run!) So I kept running, by the end of the interval I looked at the time and my 5 minute jog ended up being more like an 8 minute jog! Intervals were uninteresting, skipped the knee lifts again. Then it was time for the first 8 minute free form run. Which I ran, the whole time. Though I often wanted to just walk- it wasn’t even that it was too hard to run or my feet or legs hurt too much, I just was not enjoying it. But I pushed through all 8 minutes. Then did 2 minutes of stretching, my feet were bothering me the most so most of my stretching was just pointing and flexing my feet and moving my foot in circles, which definitely helped though. So then I was off for another 8 minutes of free form running. Like I said, it wasn’t until 4 minutes into that that I realized I could make it through without walking at all.

My jogging was of course extra super slow, but it was still jogging. So I feel good about that! 🙂

Then back home for another 10 minutes of yoga stretching and 5 minutes of foam rolling.

I’ve been working on this post for almost a week I think since commenting on another blog about this topic, but it’s been hard for me because I don’t really know what to say but I want to say something about this.

For those who don’t know I struggle with depression. For me, it’s primarily caused by my other health issues and with that it’s something that sort of comes and goes, and typically it’s bad when my other health issues are also bad.

When I get depressed though, it makes it really hard to stick with eating healthy or working out, or really anything else related to my health.

And probably one reason I wanted to write about this is because I see it minimized so often. People treat making poor food choices when depressed as an issue with emotional eating and discount the difficulty it poses with fitness because working out is supposed to help depression, and these comments don’t really represent my experiences with depression and healthy activities.

The biggest hindrance with depression for me is that when I feel very depressed, I just don’t care about myself, I don’t care about my health, I don’t feel like it’s worth it or it matters to put in effort to do something for myself, and I don’t feel like I’m worth that effort. This part never seems to get brought up. I approach fitness and other healthy behaviors from a place of self-love. I believe that working out should come from loving your body not hating it. Hating my body or hating myself has never been an effective motivation for me to work out or do anything else to take care of my body. And part of depression, at least for me, is feeling worthless. When I feel terrible about myself, it becomes really hard to put in effort to do thing that I’m doing for my benefit.

I don’t struggle with eating healthy when I’m depressed because I’m eating for comfort/emotional eating. I struggle with it because I just don’t care about anything and I don’t feel like I’m worth the effort and usually the less healthy food choices are the ones that take the least effort.

For awhile for me it seemed like the biggest impact for me was on my diet, but that I was still able to push myself through a workout despite it. But actually last night I did an OHP workout and was feeling really depressed and it did not go well at all. I mean, I made it through the main lifts and lifted the set weights for the workout, but didn’t really do any assistance work and just the whole time did not want to be doing it at all. For all the reasons I’ve already mentioned.

And I hear a lot that it’s stupid to not workout due to depression because working out helps with depression- and I’ve certainly experienced that a lot before. But it also doesn’t always. It certainly doesn’t always have any immediate noticeable effect. I did not feel any less depressed after my workout last night than before. And even if it helps, it’s typically not a cure. Maybe the depression isn’t as severe if you keep working out regularly, but for most people it will still be there, and if the depression makes you not want to workout, that is a hell of a thing to fight through all the fucking time.

And I wish I had some advice to finish this post off with, something I could tell other people struggling with this that helps, but I got nothing. I clearly have no simple solution to this because it’s something that I still struggle with.

I was working on a post to a facebook group for people with disabilities I’m in, and as I was writing it, I started to think I should just change it a bit for a blog post.

If you aren’t familiar with spoon theory already, it might be useful to read up on what it means before reading this blog post.

I started out writing just about how frustrated I feel about the fact that as much as I need and want to find a job, in many ways being unemployed allows me to feel like a “normal” person. I feel like a normal person when I have the spoons to do simple things like keep up with my dishes, and laundry. I’ve even been able to paint a room in my house, and furniture for that room, and get close to getting that room set up (hopefully once I do, I can move on to another room, since that is one room out of 6 (2 bedroom house, with living room, dining room, kitchen, and bathroom).

I have the spoons to exercise and even have been able to spend some time on other hobbies like knitting, crochet, and drawing.

But as I think about this and ways it frustrates me, I realize that part of it is that my chronic illnesses are even more invisible because of the fact that managing spoons can’t always be seen. Saying invisible disability mainly means that if you look at me, there are no obvious physical indicators of disability/chronic illness. But it can also be invisible in terms of behavior as well as just physical appearance. Because when I do something that is just typical for healthy able-bodied folks, but it takes all my spoons to do it, they don’t see that. They just see me doing the same things as them, without seeing the consequences after of having no more spoons left. For example, with work, coworkers could see me at work all day, able to do that. They don’t see when I get home all out of spoons and just crash, where even basic things like cooking dinner are off the table let alone anything that would require far more effort (spoons). Or even like having a fun outing day now and then with friends, I can looks “normal” (healthy, able bodied) in my ability to do that, but they don’t see the next day when I’m too sick to get out of bed all day because of it where they day after is just another day for them. Of course there is also the part that if you see me, it’s probably a good day. Or at least average day. Maybe just a not terrible day. But on bad days, you won’t see me. I’ll be too ill to leave home or I’ll be in the hospital. But it’s normal that people only see the good days, and then extrapolate from what they consider normal and assume the rest of your time looks like that.

I really need to make a running playlist. I have few playlists on my phone right now. I didn’t feel like listening to all rent music during the run, and the other playlist is fairly short so I would end up listening to the same handful of songs over and over. So I decided to go with just all the music on my phone. Which isn’t really great without control over skipping songs because I’m a bit of a digital music hoarder- I hate deleting music, so I have all this music on my phone that I downloaded back in middle school and high school that I don’t listen to but it’s still there.

Which meant that my run started with two Eminem tracks. The first was Till I Collapse, which I actually downloaded only a year ago. The chorus is great workout music “Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out/Till my legs give out, can’t shut my mouth”… mainly I focus on the till my legs give out part, lol. Totally not what it’s actually about but that little part right there makes me feel like “hell yeah, I’m going to keep running till my legs give out!!” The rest of the song I don’t really like. I don’t remember what the other song was even. A

After Eminem was Corporate Avenger. I like Corporate Avenger still, but songs about genocide are still not really great running music to me.

None of that was as bad though until what is in my phone as 12 Days of Christmas Punk by the Sex Pistols. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to this song. And it was the most painful thing to listen to while running.

And finished the run with Spice Girls (there were other songs mixed in throughout as well of course, but they just weren’t memorable.)

As for the run itself, after the 5 minute warmup walk was a 5 minute free form run. I slowly jogged for the full 5 minutes. Though after the first minute my legs started to really hurt but I pushed through because 5 minutes is short enough to push through pain. Did not realize that there is no walking interval (break) between the end of the free form run and the first run interval though, which meant I slowed to a walk just long enough for Dr. Myers to tell me I did well on the free form run and now it’s time to do my first 1 minute run. That first run interval was the hardest! So then I did the 1 minute run, 1 minute walk intervals. There were supposed to be knee lifts in there but I don’t want to do knee lifts on the street, so instead I either walked or stretched. The stretching helped the pain in my calves from running. I remembered that week 3 started with a free form run, then had 1 minute run, 1 minute walk intervals, then finished with a free form run. I however blocked out that it ended with an 8 minute freeform run, 2 minutes stretching, and then another 8 minute free form run. Was not up for that much running. I started the first 8 minute free form run at a slow job then slowed for a walk. Decided I would walk the rest of the first 3 minutes, run 3 minutes and then walk the last 2, which is the same thing I did for the second 8 minute free form run.

Came home, stretched and did some foam rolling. I’ve already been working on stretching more again, after I started slacking off on my stretching. Next run I need to remember to do a yoga warmup before I head out and see if stretching first helps.

Sprints, or Not.

Posted: June 8, 2015 in Running Blogging
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Today’s run was supposed to be sprints. So the plan was 5 minute warm up walk, 30 second sprint, 2 minute walk, repeat for a total of 6 sprints trying to run faster each time, then a 5 minute cool down walk.

Well, first off, runkeeper didn’t want to use my selected interval workout and didn’t give run/walk prompts which isn’t too bad but it also means it didn’t track my intervals so I can’t compare objectively how fast I was during the sprints. But they felt much slower than before. It felt very difficult to move at all.

This is one thing that I find frustrating with fitness is how for no apparent reason some days are just easier than others. Well, the easier days aren’t as frustrating, it’s the days that are harder for no obvious reason that suck.

My second to last interval was a bit slower than the one before it and the last interval was really just a jogging pace.

Possibly related to the weather? It was hot and more importantly incredibly humid, felt almost like trying to walk or run through water! Ugh, I hate hot and high humidity weather.

Next up, Zombies 5K Week 3: 5 minutes walking, 5 minute free form run, *1 minute running, 1 minute walking, 10 knee lifts* repeat * 5 times, 8 minute free form run, 2 minutes stretching, 8 minute free form run.

AHHHHHH!!!! MOSQUITOES!!!!!

This was the first time I was out for a run this summer and the mosquitoes actually seemed to be a problem.

Also I saw what looked like a huge cockroach crawling on the sidewalk, ewww!

Also saw a dead mouse on the sidewalk 😦 That one was sad. I like mice and rats. I don’t want to live with them, but they are cute and I hate seeing them dead.

So I have been running in vibrams for… years now. The black and grey pair in the photo are bikilas and were my first pair of vibrams. They lasted me several years but the bottoms were wearing away so 8 months back I got the grey and pink ones which are seeyas ls. I mention in my last running post that my feet were hurting making it hard to run any distance at all. Specifically it was my arches that hurt. So I started wondering if I should get a more supportive running show (eventually down the line, one day when I have money), but then ended up in my looking coming across the bikilas again. And the description for them said they were specifically meant for running with a bit more heel cushioning and more arch support than most vibrams. I never got rid of my old bikilas, so this run I decided to wear them to compare. I seemed to have a little bit less arch pain this time though still some. Of course given how worn out the shoes are who knows how much can be gathered from that.

Still I’m not sure what the right solution for shoes is. I love the vibrams for the most part and I HATE those bulky stabilizing shoes (which is what I found a lot of recommendation for. ugh, no!) But not infrequently I feel like I need just a little bit more arch support than I get in my current vibrams.

Of course I have no money for new shoes at the moment anyways, so it’s not like they will be getting replaced anytime soon one way or the other.

So week 2 was a 10 minute warm up walk, *30 seconds jogging, 5 heel lifts, 1 minute walking*, repeat * 5 times, and a 10 minute “free form run”. Looking at the timing on my phone I discovered the 10 minute warm up walk definitely isn’t just 10 minutes. They start with a little intro talk which I always walk during before they announce the start of the 10 minute warm up walk, and I checked today for sure that it starts counting this time but it doesn’t count toward the 10 minute warm up, so that added a minute, then it was about another minute between when the warmup walk was announced to be over and Dr. Meyers tells you to start your first 30 second jog, so it is quite a long warmup! For my free form run this time I did 1 minute jogging with 1 minute walking intervals the whole time.

Though I had a bit of a scare when I got back to my house, as I approached my house a dark grey cat ran from my porch- the same color as my cat, Blake. I was freaked out he had somehow snuck outside with me and I didn’t notice. I tried running after but the cat kept running from me. So I went inside to check if Blake was inside, and sure enough he ran to great me at the door (who says that is a dog only trait?). Thank goodness! Had me worried.

Today was actually quite an active day for me. Started with deadlifts early in the morning followed by 35 minutes of yoga, then went to sleep, Blake woke me up after just a few hours and it wasn’t that late so I went out and mowed my lawn and did some other yardwork for awhile, came back inside, took a shower, rested a bit, then got dressed and headed out for my run, then 20 minute post run yoga cool down. Now a big dinner and then going to sleep soon.

I’ve been slacking on my yoga recently so need to start doing this much (or more) yoga more often again.

I saw this article, about how to deal with people who don’t believe you are sick, on my facebook feed and I clicked it excited to read it and expecting to really like it. But I was rather disappointed in the parts of this article that focus on educating people about your illness, I’m not saying the author’s advice can’t be effective, but the suggestion that this is how we should respond bothers me.

This is certainly not how I approach talking about my illnesses. Let me start with a little story: After the last day of class for one of my classes last semester, me and my classmates went out for some drinks and pizza at a local brewery to celebrate being done with the class and just chat a bit. During the conversation I made a comment about how my health had been worse this semester and I missed more classes that semester (in my other two classes) than I have at any previous point as a graduate student. My classmates who are active on facebook know I have health problems because I complain a lot on facebook about it. My classmates who aren’t on active on facebook wouldn’t necessarily because I don’t talk about it hardly ever in person. It’s one of those topics that’s just easier for me to type about on a computer screen than talk about in person. For a number of reasons I just don’t like talking about my illnesses in person. I made a comment about how I feel like I’m always just complaining about being sick, and one of my classmates remarked on this- how I basically never mention it in person.

So with that little background about me, let’s talk about some reason that I, and I’m sure other, people with chronic illnesses won’t be education you about them as suggested in this article.

Not Everyone with Chronic Illnesses Has a Diagnosis

It is really hard to educate people about your illnesses if you don’t know what they are and have no name for them. If you spend any time following groups where people talk about chronic illnesses then you will probably see people talk about the struggles with getting a proper diagnosis, and the relief when we have a name for what we are experiencing, even if it doesn’t result in any “cure”. One of the most frustrating things for me dealing with chronic illnesses is all the times doctors have done some test that came up negative and they put on some big smile and tell me nothing is wrong, like I’m supposed to be comforted by that. That’s not a comfort, it’s a frustration, and it makes me want to slap that stupid smile off your face. Because when I know something is wrong, what you are actually telling me isn’t that there is nothing wrong, your just telling me that you still have no idea what is wrong- because regardless of the test results, I know something is. And obviously symptoms don’t wait for a formal diagnosis to show (duh), so those who are still in the process of trying to get an accurate diagnosis have just as many if not more problems as a result of their undiagnosed illness- often more since a lack of diagnosis makes treatment harder. The times my meniere’s disease was the worst and the most disabling for me was before I had a diagnosis. I got severe vertigo from time to time that made it difficult to impossible to do things and came without warning, but I had no clue why for about 4 years.

I’m still sort of in this place regarding my fatigue and (non-migraine) pain issues. I’ve gone through numerous diagnoses that ended up not being accurate. I don’t like talking about this in part because I still don’t feel I have a real diagnosis to talk about in regards to it. Although I do have a “what doctors currently think it is”, I have no confidence this diagnosis will stick nor confidence that it’s really accurate. That makes it harder to talk about and hard to educate people about.

It’s Private Medical Information

Honestly, a big issue for me is also that I consider my medical information to be a fairly private matter. If you aren’t my doctor, I’m not going to have an attitude of “ask me anything you want about it!” Obviously people close to me usually know I have chronic illnesses, but I don’t go into detail about them with people usually, I’m not really an open book about it, and I don’t feel I should have to be. I suspect most able-bodied people would find it odd if I started asking details about their medical histories that they are used to only sharing with a doctor. I mean, hey, if the topic comes up, people are likely to ask questions, that’s life, if a friend of mine brings up her cholesterol from a recent doctor visit, I am likely to ask follow up questions for more info. And if she says she isn’t comfortable answering, that’s fine. Just the same I don’t get angry at people asking questions I open the door to, and I will either answer or say I’m not comfortable based on how comfortable I am with the question, and that should be fine too. I just don’t think I automatically owe people any and all information relating to my illnesses.

Also, sometimes chronic illnesses deal with things we aren’t comfortable talking about. Talking about my migraines isn’t really embarrassing or anything for me. When I had bleeding in my digestive track that lead to me being severely anemic from the blood loss, that resulted in me ending up in the ER and having to take quite a bit of time off work because I couldn’t even walk across the room without experiencing pretty intense tachycardia (a result of anemia because my heart was attempting to pump the lower blood volume faster to keep up with the oxygen demand from muscles throughout my body). I mean, talking about being anemic isn’t embarrassing, but talking about where the blood loss was coming from and the testing that was involved in that, kind of was… kind of still is. There are a lot of aspects to our health that most people find uncomfortable to talk about.

We Don’t Always Want Advice

One reason we may not talk about it is because when you open that door, people want to start offering advice, and we don’t want to deal with those responses again and again. So it’s easier to just not talk about it in the first place. This may be less common for the author who has a rare disorder most people have never heard of. It’s a bit different I think when your invisible illness is something people have heard of. For example, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten unsolicited advice about my meniere’s disease, if I have I’m blanking on it. But when I say meniere’s, the majority of people have never heard of that before. So there is a lot less “ya know I read online that x helps, have you tried that?”, or “My friend’s sister in law has that and she says x is the best, have you tried that?” By contrast mentioning migraines is far more likely to result in advice on it. Especially since it’s not just something that people have heard of, it’s something people misunderstand the meaning of. So many people think a migraine is just a bad headache, so they apply what works for them when they have a bad headache to chronic migraine sufferers. One piece of advice I’ve gotten numerous times is “have you tried exedrin migraine? That’s supposed to be really good!” No! I’ve had chronic migraines for 18 years and tried, I don’t even remember how many, prescriptions drugs in addition to over the counter medications, and herbal supplements, but I have never tried a very common over the counter medication with “migraine” in the name of it. I get a lot of advice about fatigue too, like “have you tried caffeine pills?” or “you just need to make sure you get at least 7 hours of sleep a night!” (that last one will really make me stabby fyi. I fucking wish just 7 hours of sleep got rid of all my fatigue problems) because that’s another thing people think they understand when they don’t.

Chronic Illnesses are Frustrating!

This is the biggest reason I don’t like talking about my chronic illnesses with people is because living with them is frustrating! And talking about all the frustrating aspects of it makes me revisit that frustration and I hate having to do that. I don’t want to have to think about how frustrating it is any more than I already have to.

And educating about it can be frustrating when the effects are complicated and varying. Like trying to explain symptoms that can come up but usually don’t. Like how a common illness (like catching a cold) interacts with your chronic illness. So I have to explain not just my chronic illness but then the ways it interacts with a variety of other temporary ones. Or when one illnesses causes another. I feel like my health is very much a dominos issue. There are so many side issues that are caused either by one of my “primary” illnesses directly, or caused by a medication that was or is being used to treat one of those! For example I have kidney damage and am prone to developing kidney stones from a side effect of my meniere’s medication. Add in that even if some of the issues are diagnoses, maybe there is something new that has happened or sometimes happens that may or may not be related to one of the diagnosed issues… Like when I had that bleeding problem it wasn’t clear the cause or if the cause was related to one of my already diagnosed issues. And how illnesses present can change too! For example, I’ve started having migraine symptoms that I didn’t have 18 years ago when they first started, which I’m told by my neurologist is relatively normal to happen.

Denial

This is maybe not a good reason, but to be totally honest, this is one reason I don’t like talking about it. Because a lot of the time I like to try to deny to myself even the full effects of my health issues. I’m not sure how common this is for people with chronic illnesses though I suspect it’s probably more common for people who develop them later in life and haven’t always been used to dealing with the consequences. I know that is a factor for me. Although I’ve had chronic migraines for 18 years, alone for most of that time they were not that big of an interference for me. Chronic Illnesses haven’t been a big problem for me until starting about 7 years ago or so. That not so long ago. It’s a recent enough problem that I still remember very well what life felt like without these issues. And there are a lot of times I just want that back so much I try to convince myself that I can have it if I just pretend I’m not sick. That obviously doesn’t actually work but regardless of how wrong and illogical it is, and not really a great coping mechanism, it’s still a factor.

I Don’t Like to Complain

If you only know me through facebook, you probably wouldn’t think this. One of the reasons I feel more comfortable talking about it and complaining about it on facebook is that people can either scroll right past my whiny posts, and/or adjust what posts of mine, if any, show up on their feed. If I’m talking to you one and one in person, you kind of have to listen to me when I start complaining and I just don’t want everything I talk about to be talking about the difficulties caused by my illnesses.

For people with chronic illnesses who want to work on educating people about their illnesses, that’s great. But for people who don’t have chronic illnesses, don’t expect that everyone you encounter with one will or should invite you to lunch to talk about it and tell you to feel free to ask any questions you have about it.

(And in fairness to the article, it still has some good advice not related to educating others, like setting boundaries, not feeling guilty when you have to prioritize taking care of yourself, and finding a support group.)

(Updated this post to add some info I forgot the first time around)

11393387_10106789037301644_4614133306216980897_oSo realized it had been several days since I last ran. I have been totally losing track of the days being unemployed :-\ My sleep is completely random and while it’s not like I’m just doing nothing, most of what I do is nothing that has to be done at certain times making it difficult to keep track of what day it is. I do a little work which is tuesday nights right now, then I volunteer wednesday afternoons…. and that is really all in my life that is day/time specific.

So I decided to just head out in some yoga pants I was wearing instead of bothering to change into my running pants or capris. I figured they should be ok, and afterall the jogging intervals right now are only 30 seconds. And I was right on that last part but still I had to keep adjusting them because the waistband keeps sliding down. Not a problem for me today but it got me annoyed thinking of people I’ve heard say that it shouldn’t be a problem that it can be hard to find good workout clothes in plus sizes because you don’t need any special clothes to workout. Ugh. No. Actually clothing does make a significant difference! It should be common sense that a person is less likely to want to stick with working out regularly if they don’t have clothing that is really comfortable for the activity they are doing.

One reason I prefer to run when it’s dark is definitely that there are fewer people out. Passed a guy and awkwardly said hi. I’ve heard a lot of runners talk about how awesome running and runners are because of friendly hi’s when you pass another runner. :-\ That sounds nice in theory, but no, not for me. When I’m running and I have headphones in listening to zombies run or music I don’t want to exchange hi’s with someone else.

The run itself went ok. One thing I’m not a huge fan of with the zombies 5k layout is that you start (at least in the beginning) with a 10 minute warmup walk, which feels way longer than necessary. During the warm up walk I find myself constantly thinking “ok already, is it time to run yet?” 5 minutes seems to be more typical for a warm up walk time, so why not 5 minutes? Also, the further into the 5K the more storyline you seem to get with the running drills, which is nice, but also a bit confusing when I’m not sure what section something is because it’s not introduced as part of the layout. For example this run Dr. Myers tells you to run (RUN!) after Sam, which I still don’t know if that was supposed to be a 30 sec run interval, except I think it went longer. But it was before she said it was the free form run time. I still don’t know which it was and it’s a little frustrating in a way.

My feet were really hurting while running (but not so much walking) today so I didn’t try to run any significant length during the free form but instead did 30 seconds-2 minutes of slow (soo slow) jogging with 30 seconds-1 minute of walking in between.

Nothing special. Despite being exhausted I felt more into it this time than my last run.