Bisexual Visibility Day

Posted: September 24, 2015 in About Me
Tags: , , , ,

bi pride flag

So yesterday was Bisexual Visibility Day/Celebrate Bisexuality Day. Seeing all the bi pride stuff on social media and hearing bi folks sharing there stories it got me thinking about my own identification. Background for those who don’t know already- I came out (to my friends) as bi my sophomore year of undergrad, and identified as bi for many years after that. Shortly after ending things with my first girlfriend though, which was just a bit over 2 years ago, I started questioning where I fell on the sexuality spectrum. It become more and more apparent that I clearly had a strong preference for women. Even before dating my ex-girlfriend, while I didn’t question my identification as bisexual I decided to stop dating men after a few dates with men where I found myself wishing I were on a date with a woman instead. So then I went through a phase of questioning exactly how much interest and attraction I have for men. A phase I’m not sure I’m really past yet.

What I know right now is that I prefer women, but I certainly have some attraction to men, but not enough to be interested in dating men in general. I could fall for a man I know in some other context, but since I so strongly prefer women, as a rule I do not date men.

Given that I’ve taken to identifying as queer, or gay, or a lesbian, but not bisexual anymore. These feel more accurate when considering that I am not interested in dating men. Yet, when talking about bisexuality it reminds me of how I feel torn between these different identities still. Falling between an even bisexuality and 100% gay, even as I fall closer to the gay side, I feel like in some ways I have one foot in each box. I only date woman which makes me feel pretty gay.

On the other hand, talking about the issues bisexual people, and in particular bisexual women, face, I feel a lot more solidarity there. Especially when it comes to the biphobia from lesbians. Which whether I call myself bisexual, gay, or a lesbian doesn’t matter that much, to many lesbians I am still tainted because I’ve slept with men. Even if identifying as a lesbian did give me a pass with some lesbians who find bisexual women untrustworthy and icky, those are not people I want to be around or associate with regardless. That feeling of exclusion because of not “picking a side”, or fitting neatly into prescribed boxes kind of makes me want to take up the bi label again, and wave a proud bi flag.

I have no conclusion to this, I still don’t know where I fall, but I figured I’d in these thoughts on bisexuality for awareness/visibility/whatever.

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