Posts Tagged ‘rants’

So despite the fact that I have a blog where I talk about fitness and lifting this is not even close to what I most identify myself by. Neither is being fat for that matter.
And the truth is it is weird to me when this seems so central to other people’s identities. But for the most part I feel that falls under “to each there own”. The one part of my blog title that I would say is very central to who I am is that I am a feminist. And who am I to say that me putting great emphasis on that aspect of myself is somehow more valid than someone placing great value on the fact that they liked lifting shit up and putting it down?
But I was thinking about this in the context of certain men who get on my nerves with how they talk about lifting. I’ve run across a few men who just make me want to scream at them “building muscle and having a low body fat percentage does not make up for a shitty personality!” It’s like the lifting version of nice guys I guess. These are men who complain about how despite their lifting and low body fat women dont want to date them, meanwhile they act like misogynistic assholes. And then inevitably some girl they like ends up dating some guy who “doesn’t even lift” and they whine about how could she be with him and not them because they lift!
Well, shockingly, for many folks, like myself, personality matters more than muscle when it comes to dating! Whether or not a girl lifts or works out at all really doesn’t have much impact in my interest in her. I mean cool if she does, cool of its something we could enjoy together, but if not that’s totally fine. Women I date don’t need to share all my interests. But what very much does matter is her personality, and in particular that she not be some woman hating asshole.
So how about instead of whining that women aren’t interested in you even though you lift heavy shit, you stop and consider that maybe she likes that dude who doesn’t even lift because he’s actually a decent person who doesn’t treat her like an object he’s entitled to for lifting heavy shit?

For some reason there is something… or somethings… about me some people just really hate. I mean, I never expect to be everyone’s cup of tea. But honestly I am surprised at times the amount of obsessive hate I get directed at me. Particularly the obsessive part. Like the folks who obviously disagree with me and clearly straight up do not like me, yet still apparently read everything I write here and on other websites- and check all my workouts I post online. I mean, I have a blog specifically identified as being about feminism, I expect the random nasty comments. That some people really get so obsessed though that they don’t just say “haha fattie!!!!” (<- real comments I get often) and move on but keep following all my activities across various websites- that was a bit unexpected.

But I guess I should have expected, I’m fat, I’m a woman, and I’m queer a dyke, several characteristics that mean a lot of people are very bothered by my mere existence on the internet. I actually try not to venture too far away from certain safe internet spaces usually (my facebook that is limited to those I have friended, and a few forums that restrict membership and are heavily moderated against hateful or harassing comments). Though I’ve branched out recently. Though I still won’t go on reddit. But I have this blog, and another, I use twitter now and then, and I started posting on instagram a lot and even made my account public, and I’m active on this fitness website called fitocracy.

The latter being the primary source of most issues I run into.

None of this should surprise me. I stayed out of #gamergate and mostly out of #shirtgate but I read about both and I know women who actively posted bout them. I know about the rape threats and misogynistic comments that followed those who did. I know about the doxing and many women who had the harassment go beyond the internet resulting in being stalked and threatened IRL. Women who no longer could feel safe in their own homes all for speaking out on the internet against sexism and in support of other women.

Misogyny on the internet isn’t news to me. But I stayed largely uninvolved in both of those precisely because I have limited energy to deal with bullshit. I have more than enough stress in my life already, and I do research that revolves around violence against women- when I want to relax and get away from that, I don’t want to get away from it by reading a bunch of rape threats.

And it shouldn’t surprise me running into so many issues on a fitness based website, it should be no surprise that a number of men who are interested in lifting feel the need to fuel that interest with misogyny and homophobia. Because it’s all about proving one’s masculinity which apparently means tearing down women and gay men.

And even though this is titled “haters gonna hate”, I wish I could sit here and say that it hasn’t changed anything for me and I just ignore it. I do my best to, but sometimes, it doesn’t work. I’ve deleted a number of workouts after just downright mean comments (not advice, just mean for the sake of being mean.)  I’ve started not tracking a lot of workouts online- not for the reasons I hear others use about just not caring about points anymore, or because they track other places instead, no- for me when I choose not to track something online it’s because I just don’t want to deal with comments from folks about how they are laughing at my workout.

I want to connect and talk to folks who have a similar interest and I want to celebrate progress, but I can’t do that without also opening myself up to all number of rude comments there, and here, and probably soon enough other places as well as a small set of people follow me around from site to site.

Part of my inspiration for this is when I see folks say this doesn’t happen, they don’t see it. Well, you wouldn’t if it’s not directed at you. Many of these exchanges have not happened in the open. I’ve deleted them on other sites, on this site comments need to be approved so if I delete it without approving it no one except me knows it happens. And so that’s part of why I’m writing this. To acknowledge that this happens, even though if you looked through comments here or elsewhere you would find no evidence of it.

And a big part of my inspiration in writing this is just how exhausted I am with it. I’m exhausted at having to put my guard up if I venture over to certain sites. I have to prepare for the backlash if I do something as radical as suggest that folks should maybe not use homophobic slurs. And it’s just fucking exhausting and there are so many times I just want to delete all my accounts, block everyone, and hide from the whole world because of this. Usually I get over that. I get some rest, get my strength back up, but the mental armor back on, and venture back out to deal with it all again. But god damn it blogging, tracking workouts online, and wanting to talk to other people about lifting should have to feel like that.

And it’s on a totally different topic but I am somewhat reminded of this article I read recently about Lena Chen’s experience blogging about sex. There are a number of parallels, plus it’s a great piece and worth reading so I’ll take any excuse to link to it.

So apparently there was a study which found that among the lesbians sampled 75% were overweight or obese.

I first heard of this when I saw this article on my facebook feed about what is wrong with the statistic. The woman who wrote that article mainly takes issue with the fact that the sample size for lesbians was 87 compared to a sample size of 5,460 straight women.

I read this awhile back, and it made me uncomfortable, but I often like to stop and sit on those kinds of thoughts and feelings for awhile so I give myself time to think through why. But my thought at the time and my thought now remains- so what if it is true?

Putting aside whether the statistic is good or accurate, I’m more concerned with why we care one way or the other.

The author of this article is concerned that this statistic will be accepted as fact, will morph into countless memes and jokes used to mock lesbians and “delegitimize our sexuality”.

But it seems to me- as a fat lesbian- that the underlying issue to that is that it’s considered mock worthy to be a fat lesbian.

Ferndale Pride with Extra Lesbian Sticker

Fat Lesbian! … Fat extra lesbian? … or Extra Fat Lesbian?

Side note: I took 3 selfies at ferndale pride with 3 stickers- extra queer, extra gay, and extra lesbian (all 3 being terms I identify with), and of course it’s the extra lesbian one, which was most relevant to this post, that I like the least. Oh well. 

And why should this statistic “delegitimize our sexuality”? Being fat does not make my sexual orientation any less legitimate.

The author of the article explains further: “the publicity around this ’75 percent of lesbians are fat’ statistic on social media is at present exacerbating the stereotype that ‘lesbians are just a bunch of ugly, lazy, misguided women with low self-esteem who can’t get a husband because they’re fat and don’t wear make-up, and therefore they’re terrible people and don’t deserve to be taken seriously!'”

And here is where I get deeply uncomfortable with this. Because my sexual orientation is not a response to low self-esteem nor an inability to get a husband. Being fat doesn’t mean I have low self-esteem and it sure as fuck does not mean I can’t get a man. I get hit on by men with some frequency. Whether or not those are men I’d actually date even if I was dating men is another issue. But if I were really desperate for a man, I could get one. But I’m not. 1. I’m single and not desperate for a relationship period. I have no interest in being with someone just for the sake of not being single and proving to society that I found someone who found me attractive. 2. More on point here, I don’t want to date men. I am attracted to women. My attraction to women is not a back up, substitute for men. And my weight does not make that any less so.

The stereotype that “lesbians are just a bunch of ugly, lazy, misguided women with low self-esteem who can’t get a husband because they’re fat and don’t wear make-up” is a problematic one. It’s a problematic one for fat lesbians too. It’s still problematic even if 75% of lesbians are overweight or obese. Because fat lesbians are not lesbians because we are too fat to get a man. Being fat and a lesbian does not make this stereotype true. Just like lesbian women who don’t wear makeup don’t make this stereotype true. If 75% of lesbian don’t wear makeup this stereotype would still be a heaping pile of bullshit.

So given that fat lesbians are still not lesbians due to an inability to get a man, given many men find fat women attractive, and that the reasons fat women are lesbians are pretty much the same as the reasons thin women are lesbians- what would it matter if 75% of lesbians are fat?

And I leave you with: Extra Fat Lesbian in Rainbow Fishnets

And I leave you with: Extra Fat Lesbian in Rainbow Fishnets

Annoyed At Diet Motivation Talk

Posted: September 5, 2014 in Problems
Tags: ,

I get frustrated a lot with the crossover between fitness and dieting, and the dieting mentality folks take toward fitness. 

And I just need to rant right now about a post on another website:

“You will get a lot more compliments for working out than will for sleeping in.” 

This was alongside a bunch of other cliche diet/”lifestyle change” talk. 

I’ve been in a kind of irrationally annoyed at things mood today… well and yesterday. So a few days now, lol. So like most things this is probably pushing my buttons more than it should. 

But I don’t do any of that for compliments! I don’t do it for other people at all. I don’t care if other people approve or not, let alone if they compliment me on it. 

I workout for my health and because I enjoy it. Simple as that.

And I sleep in when I can for similar reasons. Because sleep is good, it is necessary to being healthy! I don’t sleep so other people can applaud what I’m doing, I do it for my health and well being. Which means it doesn’t matter if people don’t compliment me on it! 

Annoys me especially since I sleep more, on average, that most people. Side effect of health issues and fatigue problems. I sleep more than most people on average because I need to sleep more than most people on average in order to feel my healthiest. In fact, it’s a huge fucking struggle in my life getting enough sleep around everything I need to do on a regular basis right now. 

Which also makes me a bit overly annoyed at people who want to get judgmental about other people sleeping in. 

Fuck you for judging me for doing what I need to to be healthy! 

Which is the extra ridiculousness of mentalities like this that hide behind claims about being about health. If health is your goal, you wouldn’t be denigrating getting the amount of sleep your body needs to feel fully rested! 

Of course, I’m probably just extra annoyed at things right now because my sleep schedule has been totally off this past week! lol.